The Angel Comes to Me

 Just gonna stand there and watch me burn but that's alright because I like the way it hurts The sound of Alarm tone from my hand phone which is pressed down of my body always tinkles continually. The sound and vibration make my body is ticklish. But my eyes still closed. Glanced at my hand phone, it is 05.13 o’clock. “Astagfirullah," I said shock. Suddenly, I remember last night, I was promise to him, to give news of me.  Exactly, I look for the messaging folder on my hand phone to send the message for somebody. And it makes me exactly wake from my sleep and I don’t feel sleepy more. “Oh, my God, I really don’t like the condition like this," I said fed up. Fed up, scared, and regret that are mixed on my felling. It such as going up on kora-kora in Dufan, my heart as have lost.  “Oh, God. If the time can be turned around, I wish to return to last night.” I said expectively, but it is impossible. The compunction haunt my feeling continuously, because my guilty feeling to him. I still try to send the message many times, although I know the number doesn’t active. What a stupid I am. Until the time show me 05.35 o’clock. “ups, I haven’t prayed shubuh!' I got a move from my bedroom to bathroom which is inside my room.

After finishing prayer, my hearth has felt little bit of calm down but actually I can’t lie my feeling. I fear if he is angry. Although we have braided this relation for years, but I still scared if he was angry of my mistake. I really scared if I see man angry, because my father has ever been angry for the first time, and it makes me scared. He has ever been angry with my repetition mistake. I have tried to correct my entire mistake, I have tried to change my bad habitual, and I have tried to be the best as his partner. Actually, I know our relationship just as be boy and girl friends which is possible not to be my couple. But I have principle, I will be serious to braid the relation with someone, even my age is  step on 21 years old, I do not intend to marry quickly but I always assure that Allah will give the beautiful bombshell depended our keenness to go through a period of this life.

I try to get up from my prayer rug, but this mind is in confusion. Why I always have problems with him if I have something to do such as I have many lecture assignment that I have to do it this week. And will be get examination. I don’t want get problem if I will get examination in a short time “Come on, Dha, think about your duty, he is not important for you. Your duty in lecture is more important than him, you know. He is not your future. Your duty is necessary for your future, not him... not him…!” I said hardly, try to self-defence and parry all that I scared.

Today I don't feel like doing anything I just wanna lay in my bed, don't feel… my hand phone is ringing. My mother is calling on me.

“Hallo mom,” I said to open the conversation.

“teh, Have you woken up? Have you got the prayer?” she said.

“Yeah, I have mom. When will you back home from grandparents’ house?”  I asked exactly, because I feel lonely stay home.

“No, I won’t back home today. I will stay here again to accompany your little brother, Indra.” She explained me.

“Will father and Heri follow Indra to stay there more?”

“No, they will back home, perhaps, they will come on night at home.”

“Okay”

“Will you go to campus? You have to cook the rice before going to campus, don’t you? And for the others if you don’t want to cook, you can buy it outside.” She reminded me.

“yeah, okay mom” I closed the phone.

I thank God that I have parents who are love and pay attention on their children. I am the first child of three children. I am always leaved on holiday. Truly, I want to follow them to visit my grand parents’ house. I like to that place, the atmosphere is cool, calm, comfortable, and clean. Because, the located nearby mountain. And it makes my father and I like that place and atmosphere. Because if we were stay there, the place for sleeping is comfortable till we didn’t want to wake up from sleeping. Now days, I seldom visit them. Because my activity in doing assignment and teaching in one of institute.

Because I teach every evening and added a lot of assignments from campus that make me have to pursue the goals. Every night, I am always fallen asleep with the messiness books on my bed. And every morning, I always in a hurry to clean the bed and the messiness books on my bed. As this Monday morning, I tidy up my bed calmly because I have the class on 1 pm. And I also don’t hear my mother griping on me because she saw my room situation who was always says “ teh, is this girl room or break ship? You’re room is so untidy”.

My mind has got calm to think about him, not as before that I always feel guilty of my mistake. Right 06.37, I finish to tidy up my room. I clean my house from sweeping, mopping, ad washing the plate continually. After that I prepare myself to go to campus. I feel tired. How a tired to be good housewife, I think. My mother always does it lonely if I went to campus early.

Just gonna stand there….. Just gonna stand there….. Just gonna stand there….. Just gonna stand there and watch me burn but that's alright because I like the way it hurts my message tone that I like is having a voice many times. 13 messages deliver on him when I see my screen phone. I will feel happy or I will feel scared. I try to hold and to look for his name on my hand phone. I get the name ^biee on it. I press call to call him. I wait the voice from across my place, my heart still pounding on it.

“Hello…!” I said exactly when I know the phone is connected.

“Yeah…!” he said calmly.

“A, I’m so sorry of my repetition mistake. I know I’m wrong for the thousands mistake of you.”  I try to explain him “But… I …” I said falteringly.

“What for you ask sorry to me?” he said innocent “do you feel that you have mistake?”

“Yes, I’m... I know that I wrong...” I said.

“Yes, you always repeat your mistake...”

“But please understand myself!” I try to self-defence “okay, if you still blame on me. I piqued on you, too. You have promise on me for often visit me. But your bustle…? Don’t you know my condition now, do you? Don’t you know my feeling on you during you not coming to me, do you?

“Okay, next week, I will get free.” He said exactly to not lengthening the problems.

“Right…? Are you sure?” I said convincing.

‘yeah, absolutely.” He said.

“Okay, then, you don’t angry more to me, a!” I ask slowly “a, thank for your understanding. By the way, I have to prepare myself to go to campus now.”

“Okay, see you next week, beibi” he closed the phone.

After phoning him, I feel happy. My heart is singing such birds on the morning. And it is added that he will visit me next week. I really happy, I glad. Thanks God. I really miss him. My missing such as mountain that want to erupt because it can’t be hold out again. I can’t patient to meet next week, to meet him. I miss you, a.